6 Months to Live

Most people do not like going to see a Doctor or to the Hospital for many reasons. Some do not like going because there are sick people there, while others hate that is takes 3 hours for a simple check-up. As we get older I think that the reason changes to the fact that we do not want to hear "bad news". About three months ago I found myself lying on my bedroom floor at 11:00 at night, home alone with the worst pain I have ever felt in my entire life. After lying there for 45 minutes I decided to start making my goodbye phone calls because I thought I was going to die. Luckily the first person I called lived close and picked me up and took me to the emergency room. Four hours later, a few shots of "happy juice" and a CT Scan found that I had a kidney stone.

After I returned home and slept off the drugs, I wondered what if that was my last night. What if I died there in my bedroom, alone, without saying goodbye to my daughters. Where would they go? Who would take care of them? And I thought of about a hundred other questions.

If I were to be told that I only had six months to live, it would be devastating to my family and friends. My first concern would be my two daughters. How would I tell my 8 year old that Daddy was going to die? She is such a major part of my life and I am her everything. She cannot be away from me for more than two days without calling me just to say hi and that she misses me. I know that my 17 year old would handle it a little better but we are more like best friends than parent/daughter.

I come from a close family and no parents want to out live their children. My parents and I are very close and we live in the same city. I have dinner with them a few times a week and my mother usually calls me everyday. My father and I have been best friends since I was a small child. We have the same interests and he has always been my hero. For them to lose me would be extremely tragic and I don't know if my father would survive.

For those last six months I would spend as much time with my family as possible. I would plan my own funeral, making sure that every person that has ever come into my life was invited. I would make sure that the atmosphere was fun and happy, because if you ask any of my friends to describe me those would be the two words you would hear. I would have a 1980's themed funeral with neon clothing, mullets and my High School classmates 80's cover band playing Depeche Mode, Yaz and Billy Idol.

Once the so-called serious business was taken care of, I would then plan to take my girls on a vacation to all the places that I have wanted to take them. We would start by taking an RV to the Grand Canyon and sleep under the stars. Then we would take the Rio Grand steam train from Durango, CO. to Silverton, CO. Next I would take them to South Dakota to watch the sunrise over Mount Rushmore. And on this trip, we would stop at every little town and tourist attraction that we came across. We would see the largest balls of yarn, popcorn and rubber bands, the Winchester Mystery House, the largest sundial and any caverns along the way. For the end of the trip I would like to spend a few weeks by some kind of body of water, either on a beach in Hawaii or on a houseboat at Lake Powell.

I think I would also like to fulfill some of my dreams. A dinner date with Jennifer Aniston, drinks in a seedy bar with Vince Vaughn and Jon Favreau, and dirt track racing with Dale Earnhardt, Jr. I think I would let my girls come to the last one, not so much on the others. I would also want to be remembered by people I didn't know by finishing my children's books and my romance novel and getting them published so children and heartbroken women will know my name.

After everything is said and done there are only a few things I would like to have closure with before I die. I would repair my lost friendships, apologize to those I have hurt and forgive those that have wronged me. But most importantly, I would spend one night with my ex-fiancee of three years who has truly broken my heart and ruined my life for the fact that I can never love anyone again, who overlooked the 25 good qualities that she later realized after she threw me and my daughters out of OUR house, who I still think and dream about after a year and a half. And on that night, I would gently push her hair to the sides of her beautiful face, slide my hands to the sides of her neck, look into those amazing green eyes and say, "I love you".
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Another Dream

I had another dream about you.

It was Tuesday, March 17th (St. Patrick's Day). I was taking a nap in the afternoon after spending the day working at my daughter's school. This dream was so real. The dream was me taking a nap in my bedroom. I woke up groggy, and noticed that you were laying next to me with your head propped up a short distance away from mine. I don't know if we were lying in a bed together or on the floor. You were talking to someone else or on the phone. I noticed that you were wearing a blue summer dress with white polka-dots. It had short sleeves that had elastic the ran around your shoulders and along your bust line. It was low cut allowing cleavage to show. As you were talking you adjusted the top by pulling down on the fabric at your breasts and moving it from side to side. Now having known me for as long as you have, you know that I was always amazed at how sexy your were and was always excited when I had a glimpse of your body. I glanced over and watched as your breasts moved back and forth and slightly peeked out the top of the dress. You caught me looking and I quickly turned my head. I waited a few seconds and then glanced back and you caught me again. I turned away and shut my eyes. I then felt your warm, soft hands touch my face. You ran your fingers across my lips and down the sides to my neck. You leaned over and whispered in my ear. I didn't hear what you said, so without opening my eyes I asked you to repeat what you said. You whispered again but I still could not make out what you were saying. I opened my eyes and watched as you climbed on top of me and strattled my hips. Your dress was pulled up allowing your strong, beautiful legs to show. I placed both of my hands on your thighs and I began to rub your soft skin. I could feel you. I could feel you on my hips and I could feel your warm, smooth skin on my hands. We looked into eachother's eyes and just stared like we had so many other times. You whispered again, but I still could not understand.

Then I woke up.
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